Yadsendew Rednow Tih Eno

That's right; you ain't nevah seen a post spelt BACKWARDS, hear?!  Actually, you probably have.  Look, just humor me on this one, okay?

I promise that you know this one.  Seriously, it's one of those songs that I'm pretty sure everyone's just born with, burned into their infant brains through the sheer DNA-altering power of being obnoxiously catchy.

Aaaannnd apparently that hook was stolen from a Stones song and there was a whole fisc-diddily-asco about it.  I've heard the song they "ripped off" (with permission) and... whatevs, I don't see it.  I mean, I see it, but like... c'mon Stones.

Welp, here it is.

Fun fact: Before I'd every heard a song by "The Verve Pipe", I used to think them and The Verve were the same band and they just decided to change from one to the other because reasons.  Honestly, when I found out they weren't (around the same time I posted that One Hit Wonder Wednesday featuring The Verve Pipe), it kinda blew my mind.  Seriously, how are there more than four people on earth that know what a "verve" is?

Things That Make Me SquE3, Part 4

Oh god, you again.  Why the hell are you here at this hour?  Last part of my stupid E3 "coverage" so we can all stop pretending to give a shit?  Well, when you put it that way, fine.  Meanie.

The Last of Us

By all accounts (well, from sane people), I've heard this game is the bee's tits.

Puppeteer 

I think it's weird that I'm not saying this about any other game on here, but this looks like a game that will remind me why I play games in the first place, why I want to make them.  The aesthetic, the mixture of classic platforming stuff with a fresh and quirky mechanic, how damn rich the world looks, more charm than uh... one of these things.

Get it?  Charm?  Anyone?

Do you love me yet?

Oh man.  Yeah, I really can't wait for this one.

Transistor 

I knew this was definitely Top 5 material for me, but from there, it was extremely hard to place.

I forget when I'd first heard about Transistor.  I'd already played Bastion by that point, and I'd heard the same dudes were making another game.  I love the shit out of Bastion, so I figured it would look at least as cool.  And well... I guess I was right, if outlandish understatements count as "right".

I mean, I kind of almost cried when I saw it won't even be here 'til 2014, but yeah.  Still can't wait.

Rayman: Legends

120 LEVELS OMGWTFIDON'TEVEN

I'm sorry!  I'm sorry!  No more all-caps, I got it.  I just... I had to.  Really.  But fo'reals, the developers of this game are saying it's the biggest Rayman game to date.  Like I said up thurr^ at least 120 levels.  Whether that means 120 full goddamn levels or that many levels in a Sonic Generations sense where it's basically the same levels in different modes of play, different challenges, that kind of thing, I have no idea.  But oh my globbing GLOB does this look fantastic.

Watch Dogs

Come on.  You saw this coming.

I'm not even gonna try to name all the reasons this looks fucking awesome.  All I'ma say is: yo fellow Chicagoans, a game in Chicago.  About damn time.  Okay, besides Blues Brothers and Perfect Dark.  Still, first goddamn game since the N64 era to take place primarily in Chicago.  Shitcheah.

Final Fantasy XV 

Frankly, I'm shocked I'm putting this above Watch Dogs, but hey: I'm a sucker for grandiosity.  Big dreamy worlds, impossible hair, ancient weapons and shit: I eat that shit up.  If it's done right, obvi.  And holy shit does it look like they're doing it right.

I told myself for so long that I didn't give a shit about the ever-mysterious, possibly-bullshit Final Fantasy Versus Blablablawhyisthisaspinoffseries... but holy fuck was I a liar.  Damn you Squeenix, winning me back with your devilishly charming self.

I'm sorry gaiz, this... this just looks amazing.

And last but oh-so-very-not-least...

Kingdom Hearts 3

I wanted to put BITCHES after the title, but I feel like it would ruin my little private catharsis.  So I'll put it down here.

Kingdom Hearts 3 BITCHES.

I... I hardly slept the night I found out about this.  I'll never forget that feeling; bouncing around the internet, going to band practice, consigning myself to checking the internet (coughFacebook) one last time before conking out, and seeing FUCKING (I don't give a shit, here come the caps) KINGDOM HEARTS 3 ALL THE FUCK OVER EVERYWHERE.

I know it won't be 'til like, 2015 (just being realistic, eh?), but... bring it.  Fuckin' bring it.

...
Well, that's all for this particular string of posts.  Oh please, make your groans of relief a little louder.  Dicks.

'Til next time!

Things That Make Me SquE3, Part 3

Oh hai there, and vilkommen back to a bunch of opinions you don't/shouldn't care about!  ...I mean my blog.  Yes, my blog..  Ahem.

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons

I can't remember when I first saw this, but I remember watching some teaser or another and immediately being like

Original mechanic, puzzles, rich world, lovable characters?  It may not be my most looked-forward-to game of, I dunno, the next year (it's coming out this year, right?), but it sure as hell looks like it'll have the full package.

Destiny

WHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT I STILL DON'T EVEN REALLY KNOW WHAT THIS IS BUT OH GOD WHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHATWHAT

Seriously, the fact that I ranked twelve whole games above this... kinda baffles me.  Looks like I've got some 'splainin to do.  See, for a long time, I hated the word "destiny".  Then shit about this game started surfacing. Now I don't hate it anymore.  Cuz OH MY GOD I WILL NEED THIS WHEN IT COMES OUT.

Beyond: Two Souls

Ellen Page + David Cage.  Page and Cage.  I...  What else?  What else must I say besides "Holy shit this game will rock our socks... then take 'em down to the docks... and join the White Sox" oh suck my balls, I'm giving you gold here.  Gold, I say!!!!

Also OH MY GOD WILLEM DAFOE IS IN THIS BLARGALARGAHAHDARDARGWHAT

Below

Goal for this part of the post: don't put anything in all-caps.  I know, it's been annoying, but we're getting down to the nitty-gritty, folks.  Biggest squees of the upcoming year in gaming.  Well, so far.

I have but one compunction about this upcoming what-looks-like-a-masterpiece, and compunction, thy name is XBone.  Yeah yeah yeah, I know they're doing a mass overhaul of the thing after the outcries over their ridiculous check-ins and DRM policies and whatnot, but I'm still worried okay?  And by worried, I mean totally getting a PS4.

Mario and Luigi: Dream Team 

FUCK RIGHT OFF I LOVE THESE GAMES.  Sigh... went about as long as I could without caps.  I heard Paper Mario: Sticker Star was pretty disappointing and that Bowser's Inside Story was pretty sweet

I mean, duhh; it has this charming motherfucker in it.

and this game looks like it'll 1) make up for Sticker Star, and 2) continue the trend of the Mario & Luigi games being awesome.

The Evil Within

Bethesda plus survival horror.  Not like Dead Space survival (coughaction) horror, like "holy shit this is terrifying why would you even make this game" kinda survival horror.  Words cannot describe my stoke (or the sheer volumes of piss that will inevitably meet my pants).

Hohokum 

Why the hell am I so interested in this game?  Don't get me wrong; I'm a huge sucker for an offbeat world/art-style/set of mechanics, especially when all those things are rolled into one.  But I usually gotta have a kind of sense of intensity, something at stake in this big crazy universe I've jumped into.  Far as I can tell, that doesn't exist in Hohokum.  You're some weird flying snake-dude that flies around helping weird things and... I don't know, looking at stuff?

Why, Hohokum?  Why do you seduce me so?  Besides, you know, the fact that it looks... fucking brilliant.

Stay tuned, bitches; final part coming up.

Things That Make Me SquE3, Part 2

And we're back!  With...

DuckTales: Remastered

*Sigh* Disney... must you have all my money?

Mad Max

I... does this really require a blurb?  They're making a Mad Max game, guys.  Why the hell has no one thought of that bef- Wait, they did?  Back in 1990??  Well fine, but why has no one RE-thought of that until now?

And MEL GIBSON PLEASE DO VOICE FOR THING.  If you're not already.  I don't know.  I make it a rule not to look up too much information on any particular thing while I'm already in the middle of writing a post.  You know, like a real blogger.

Pokemon X&Y 

Don't get me wrong; I'm stoked as hell about this game, and as a so-called "gamer" whose efforts to keep up with the Pokemon franchise have been pretty weak since Gold and Silver, that's saying something.  First 3D Pokemon game?  ...Kind of?  Not including that one for Gamecube that was all post-apocalypticky unless I really wasn't paying attention which is very likely?  Hellz yeah.  Gimme gimme.

But it's not... all they could do for Pokemon.  It's not all they could do for the fans that so want to see this series reach its crazy-huge potential (which it damn well should since it's been around for OH, TWENTY YEARS (almost)).  We're on the verge of an absolutely insane era of gaming, and even with their new Pokemon title, which was by far one of their more standout titles at E3, Nintendo's kind of... I don't wanna say "playing it safe"; I hate that saying and it's cliche.  But I know they can think big and have the power to make games as big as their dreams, but they're just... not.

For all my bitching, X&Y will certainly be a step in the right direction, one big hop-skip-and-a-jump from the land of nostalgia to the greener pastures of the truly awesome.  Maybe in three more games, we'll get that Skyrim-meets-Pokemon game we all dream about in the darkest, less cynical parts of our minds.  I like to think of this game as a reverse Dark Knight; not necessarily the game this franchise deserves, but the one it needs.

The Witness 

Suck a monkey, I like Jon Blow.  I mean... yeah, he's a weirdo and he tends to whine about how people "don't get" his big, sprawling, WTF allegories involving time travel and midgets in boarding-school clothes...

...And he's kind of a dick about other people in the industry (can't remember the exact instance, think it might've been at last year's E3 when he'd also shown The Witness, he came on stage and said something to the effect of "it's gonna be hard to top all those explosions", making no effort at all to hide his snark), but otherwise I like Jon Blow.  And I think this game looks fucking cool.  Kinda reminds me of Myst.  Maybe it shouldn't, I don't know.

Might've been higher on the list, but I realized I really have no idea what this game even is...  I'm gonna move on before I deconstruct all my own points.

Sunset Overdrive 

Fuck yeah Insomniac.  Definitely the most promising-looking title on the XBONE, save for maaaaaaybe something I'm saving for the next part of this post.  But yeah, there's that upcoming title and this and that's like it.  Everything else you can get on PS4.

But this game does look eleven kinds of sexy.

You know, from the pre-rendered trailer and all.

Contrast

Cool mechanic, cool world, probably has a cool story, is indie, will be on PS4.  Please and thankya.

Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain

I'm not up on the Metal Gears in the least fucking bit.  For a long time, I meant to be, but never really found the drive to get off my ass and catch up.  Then I saw all the trailers and stuff for this.  I haven't felt like I was missing out on something so bad since I was last reminded that women exist.

Stay tuned, bitches!

Woo, another One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday

Man, I really shoulda been thinking about this.  I've been so caught up in work (read: doing nothing), I guess, that-

Oh hell, enough bitching.  It's One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday!  It's a party!  It's... it's... who's it gonna be it's...

...THIRD EYE BLIND, BITCHES!

I know, I know, this technically isn't their only radio hit, they have more than one song (depending on who you ask), bla bla bla.  Myself, I like the fuck out of Third Eye Blind.  I think they're one of the most criminally underrated 90s bands, weird considering how many people actually know the name of the band and how goddamn well-known this song is.  But in the world of radio play, sorry guys - they're pretty much a one-hitter.  Yes, Jumper (the other Third Eye Blind song people might know) is a beautiful song as well, but it just didn't get the same kind of crossover as Semi-Charmed Life.

No, getting a song on The Mix doesn't count as crossover.

Nothing against Ed Sheeran.  Cuz he's the man.

More than a little something against Train.

Actually this is mostly against Train.

I don't really hate The Mix that much.

Just Train.

I'll stop now.

Enjoy nostalgia!  And, you know, one of the best songs of the 90s.  That too.

God I wish this was a less shitty post, actually do this song justice.  But alas...

Things That Make Me SquE3, Part 1

So you may have heard about a little something-something this past week.  Little meeting of some people that like games?  In California?  Called E3?  You know, small thing?  Well, last few E3s haven't been fantastic.  This was not one of those few.  I had... so, so, SO many squeegasms as I followed the happenings at E3 throughout the day.  So many that it's gonna be another three-parter.  Yes, another one.  Deal with.

From least amount of squee to most:
(is there an SI unit of squee?)

Murdered: Soul Suspect

Okay, I'll admit, this one wasn't so much "squee" as "hey that looks pretty cool".  Title's pretty goofy and overall, there doesn't seem to be any one thing that makes this look groundbreaking.  And I don't mean that like "but it somehow still looks groundbreaking"; it... doesn't.  Like, at all.  But I think the concept's pretty damn cool, and if they pull it off well, give the world enough depth, I think it could be quite solid.

Okay, Murdered mostly made it onto the list because they showed actual gameplay.

Batman: Arkham Origins

Honestly, I don't know why I'm not more interested in this.  Still, if it's at all on the level of the other games, then fuck yeah.  Bring on the Bat.

Knack

Pixar meets Goblin Commander meets [insert game where you utilize the powers of the elements here] with Ratchet-and-Clanky kinda feel?  Yes prease.

Now, here's what has me simultaneously the most excited and the most afraid: some serious opportunity to play with the moral gray area, what with the whole humans vs. goblins war.  Like a whole "who are the real monsters?" kinda deal.  Why the fear?  Well, looks pretty kid-friendly; not judging a book by its graphics, and there's NOTHING wrong with kid-friendly, I just don't see this game diving headfirst into the human condition and whatnot.

Human/goblin condition or no, looks fun.

The Order: 1886

Again, nothing groundbreaking here.  Cool (but still vaguely steampunk, so not that original) world, cool weapons, monsters, badasses.  Also, no gameplay.  Still, something about it tickles my curiosity bone.

Also, the dude in that screenshot looks like Christopher Lee.  And if there's anything vaguely resembling Christopher Lee involved in your work of fiction, it's automatically pretty awesome.

Call of Duty: Ghosts

Mmmmm.  I'd call his duty.

NO DON'T LEAVE PLEASE.

I know, I know.  Another Call of Doody.  But you get a dog in this one!

So I'm a bit suckered in by the trailer.  No, I'm probably not gonna actually buy it.  But here's something to maybe shift your perspective a bit: EA's not the publisher on this one.  For some reason.  Unless my sources are dead-wrong.  Not that I'm one of those people that blindly hates on EA; they've done some ass-stupid things that certainly haven't helped the development of this art and industry, buutttt before I go on a big stupid tangent that you don't want to read, my point is, I think this franchise jumping (briefly?) out of their hands could be a healthy change.

New Super Luigi U

Hey what the hell, it's the Year of Luigi.  Whole new game for less than the original, get to play as Luigi, good old platforming action?  I'm game.  Pun very intended.

Castle of Illusion Starring Mickey Mouse HD

Honestly, I only played this game a few times when I was young and we'd all trade handhelds at swim meets (should probably offer more explanation than that), but I remember loving it and I'm a huge Disney fanboy, sooooooooooooooooooooo bring it on.

Super Smash Bros.

Thank you nuisances of the internet that have clogged Google Image with so much fake bullshit that I couldn't find an actual image of the game.  And by "couldn't", I mean "gave up after like thirty seconds".

Honestly, I really really thought this would be higher on my list.  Don't get me wrong, I can't wait; Super Smash Bros. has always been my favorite fighting game series (Marvel vs. Capcom once came oh so close, but sorry Marvel vs. Capcom 3...  Ya kinda missed the chance of a lifetime.)  I just...  I dunno, I'm probably just a little butthurt over Nintendo's (total lack of) presentation when it comes to this game.  It's supposed to put the past three to shame.  Well if it do baby, then DAMN!  Strut that stuff!  Don't be shy!

Stay tuned for more of the awesome from E3!

It's Wacky! It's Wild! It's Weirdly Wet Whenever You Want! It's...

ONE-HIT-WONDER WEDNESDAY...

BY WHEATUS!!!!!!!!

Wow, that worked out well.  When will I waste my wide and wonderful weservoir of W words while I welcome you from my workplace?

Okay, so I cheated on one of them words.

But forrealsies, welcome from my new place of work!  Which I will not be disclosing in case you're one of my mortal enemies (in which case, what are you doing reading this blog? go, go plan my demise like a real supervillain).  Before you go thinking I'm some sort of badass for doing this on company time, please save your reverence for a more deserving time; this is my lunch hour.

Well, that's all the funny things I have to say.  Happy Wednesday!