Twofer Tuesday! I Mean Wednesday!

I am absolutely, hauntedly, shockingly, is-this-a-dagger-I-see-before-me-no-it's-a-gat-to-shoot-your-fucking-brains-out bored out of my skull.  Cuz work.  Ergo, might as well be productive in some facet of my life and take my second writing break of my eight-hour day.

Oh, don't look at me like that.  Like you've never slacked off at work.  Actually, this barely counts as slacking off cuz there's like no actual work to be done here anyway.  Ever.

Not that I hate my job!  Oh hells no.  Which is why I present:

5 Reasons Why Being An Intern Is Actually Kinda Decent

...But first, because it's Wednesday, have another

One Hit Wonder Wednesday

You will have it and you will like it.

And today's champion of the one-hitters is...

*Sigh* Just... get it out of your system, okay?  You done?  Okay, good.

Just A Friend, by Biz Markie!

YES, I know this song came out in 1989.  But that's close enough to the 90s to basically be the 90s.  Did you watch the damn thing?  It was only forced to exist in the 80s because if the 90s had seen the advent of Biz Markie's number one hit, the 90s would be so 90s that Eddie Murphy, Will Smith, and MC Hammer would all merge into a giant comedically-rapping powerhouse whose voice sounded like Urkel and whose towering afro shot lightning that turned into Samuel L. Jacksons on impact, thus bringing about the apocalypse.  Which, I'll admit, would be a way more awesome end than anything that John the Revelator hack could pull out of his ass.

Putz.

But enough yammering about 90s music (even though that's what this blog was originally created to do).  I know actually give you:

5 Reasons Why Being An Intern Is Actually Kinda Decent (In My Case)

1. COFFEE (and Some Other Free Shit)

And by "Some Other Free Shit" I mean stuff that's meant to go in coffee.

Funny thing is, I didn't even like coffee for a long time.  Absolutely love the smell, always have, but before, oh, three months ago, I always thought it tasted kind of like toasted feet.

What?  You hated the taste of this strange liquid that's the same color and consistency of your bi-monthly diarrhea and magically wakes you up?  Uncultured swine.

I'm not sure what it was - I'm guessing it was the crazy amount of disconnect between the smell and the taste.  Generally, and I do mean generally, and only when it comes to things considered edible

It ain't Kool-Aid, kids.

things generally taste like they smell, right?  Kinda-sorta?  Well not with coffee.

Anyways, make a guy get up at seven in the morning every day after a whole year of going to bed when the sky fades from black to blue... he and coffee become fast friends.

But if you're like me (read: a wuss), black coffee doesn't cut it.  I've gotta pad my gradual transformation into Dilbert.  Lucky for me, all the cream and sugar I could want (which is a lot) is also there.  One of these days, I think I'm gonna try half-and-half.  ...No, I mean like half cream, half coffee.

2. I Work In the City

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Best sub-benefit of this benefit: on my lunch breaks, I can walk around where there's people and pretend I actually have a life.

3. Holy Shit, It's Actually Paid

I mean... I'm not set to be a sugar-daddy anytime soon, but I can take you to a pretty nice dive bar or something.

Whatevs.

Uhhhhhh two more things, two more things...

4. Office Supplies

You have no idea how much fun those fuckers are when you're so bored that, you know, you want some actual work to do.

And my favorite...

5. No Expectations

Even at jobs that immediately come to mind when you think "entry-level", they're still a step above intern.  Intern is the position you hold when you're trusted with one task at a time.  And the rest of the time they have you play in the corner.  They barely even consider you a part of the company.  When an out-of-stater or some other bigwig comes through, they'll usually pass right by your cubicle.  Other "entry-level" jobs, whether they're minimum wage or no, you're immediately considered part of "the team"... or at least expected to be.  You better perform, or there's no room for you here.  That's why they'll drop you midway through the application/interview process, because if they suspect that you can't get the job done, there's no reason to have you there.  They're not interested in building your resume, and why should they be?  They need people who can do a job and do it right; they have a product to sell, burgers to make, kids to be watched, whatever.

I'm not ribbing on the idea of having an internship or anyone that's in an entry-level and/or minimum-wage job, or even the big corporations that manage them.  What I'm saying is, I would like to one day have a job where my actions actually affect the greater whole and what it produces, no matter how entry-level it may be.  I'd like to make the long and arduous climb to the top instead of chilling at the bottom in a swivel chair, collating a bunch of spreadsheets.

But for now?

Bitch, I'm in college and it's summer.

Wonder^2 or, Another Title Involving Lots of W's That I (Falsely) Think Is Witty

'Bout that time, eh chaps?  'Bout that time for another One Hit Wonder Wednesday, if I do say so myself I is I is wot wot.

That's what I was saying to myself earlier today over a spot of tea, behind my monocle and luxurious power-stache.

Okay, so it's not that luxurious, but seriously: who else can pull off the moustache-atory like that?  Yeah, you know what I mean by "moustache-atory".  That's right.  With your younger sister.

Oddly, I had some trouble thinking of a right proper inclusion to the One Hit Wonder Wednesday family.  This was (is?) ridiculous, because the 90s are more full of awesome one-hit wonders than Mike Tyson.

Woops, wrong picture.

Too soon?

(Correct answer: no)

So I put on my thinking cap.  My thinking cap turned out to be a live raccoon.

Several stitches later, I got myself thinking about the title of this feature, One Hit Wonder Wednesday, all the words in it, trying to trigger some kind of association in my coffeeless office-worm brain.

Where are you, shitty pun?!  WHERE ARE YOOUUUUuuuu...

Then I got it:

I know, I know; in the music world as a whole, Oasis is not a one-hit-wonder band.  They are very well-known, they go on big tours and shit, and you actually know the names of at least two of the members.

Well... since they're brothers and you had to memorize a total of three different names, so we'll count them as a 1.5.  Not like they make two complete people anyway.

But name another real hit by Oasis, as in something that crossed over into the world of pop, anything near the level of notoriety that makes you hum the word "Wonderwall" in Liam Gallagher's grating and nasal caterwaul as soon as you read it.

Anyone who says "Champagne Supernova" gets a kick in the teeth.

Yadsendew Rednow Tih Eno

That's right; you ain't nevah seen a post spelt BACKWARDS, hear?!  Actually, you probably have.  Look, just humor me on this one, okay?

I promise that you know this one.  Seriously, it's one of those songs that I'm pretty sure everyone's just born with, burned into their infant brains through the sheer DNA-altering power of being obnoxiously catchy.

Aaaannnd apparently that hook was stolen from a Stones song and there was a whole fisc-diddily-asco about it.  I've heard the song they "ripped off" (with permission) and... whatevs, I don't see it.  I mean, I see it, but like... c'mon Stones.

Welp, here it is.

Fun fact: Before I'd every heard a song by "The Verve Pipe", I used to think them and The Verve were the same band and they just decided to change from one to the other because reasons.  Honestly, when I found out they weren't (around the same time I posted that One Hit Wonder Wednesday featuring The Verve Pipe), it kinda blew my mind.  Seriously, how are there more than four people on earth that know what a "verve" is?

Woo, another One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday

Man, I really shoulda been thinking about this.  I've been so caught up in work (read: doing nothing), I guess, that-

Oh hell, enough bitching.  It's One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday!  It's a party!  It's... it's... who's it gonna be it's...

...THIRD EYE BLIND, BITCHES!

I know, I know, this technically isn't their only radio hit, they have more than one song (depending on who you ask), bla bla bla.  Myself, I like the fuck out of Third Eye Blind.  I think they're one of the most criminally underrated 90s bands, weird considering how many people actually know the name of the band and how goddamn well-known this song is.  But in the world of radio play, sorry guys - they're pretty much a one-hitter.  Yes, Jumper (the other Third Eye Blind song people might know) is a beautiful song as well, but it just didn't get the same kind of crossover as Semi-Charmed Life.

No, getting a song on The Mix doesn't count as crossover.

Nothing against Ed Sheeran.  Cuz he's the man.

More than a little something against Train.

Actually this is mostly against Train.

I don't really hate The Mix that much.

Just Train.

I'll stop now.

Enjoy nostalgia!  And, you know, one of the best songs of the 90s.  That too.

God I wish this was a less shitty post, actually do this song justice.  But alas...

It's Wacky! It's Wild! It's Weirdly Wet Whenever You Want! It's...

ONE-HIT-WONDER WEDNESDAY...

BY WHEATUS!!!!!!!!

Wow, that worked out well.  When will I waste my wide and wonderful weservoir of W words while I welcome you from my workplace?

Okay, so I cheated on one of them words.

But forrealsies, welcome from my new place of work!  Which I will not be disclosing in case you're one of my mortal enemies (in which case, what are you doing reading this blog? go, go plan my demise like a real supervillain).  Before you go thinking I'm some sort of badass for doing this on company time, please save your reverence for a more deserving time; this is my lunch hour.

Well, that's all the funny things I have to say.  Happy Wednesday!

One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday Number One!!!

Welcome welcome, women, weirdos, and wieners, to One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday!  I'm your host, Thomas, and this is a something something!

I had more to that introduction.

...Don't you give me that look.

Aaaahhh, first One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday of... well, of ever!  How refreshing!

Why did I decide to do One-Hit-Wonder Wednesdays?  Why, simple, my dear readers, all five of you!  As you probably know, assuming you've ever seen a radio in your life, every decade is full of its fair share of zeitgeist-defining made-for-karaoke chunks of catchy, all the talent of these practically nonexistent bands crapped out into a single gilded turn of awesome.  Well... usually awesome.  Sometimes.  A lot of them are.  Okay, my point being, it is my humble (lol) belief that the nineties has the best, or at least most consistently tolerable crop of one-hitters.  And if I hear 'the sixties' out of your stupid face I swear, I will take an unwashed flyswatter to your goddamn mouth.

If three years ago you'd told me I'd one day end up publicly acknowledging the existence of Iron Butterfly, my urine would have ended up on at least one part of your body.  Such is progress.

So in the annals (hehe annals) of this here blog, I will celebrate the heroes, both fallen and unsung, of a truly special decade.

Speaking of "unsung", let's kick this shit off right.

"Unsung" by Helmet, everybody.  Enjoy.
All credits go to... credits.  Helmet made the song, some dude made the music video.  Probably Helmet.