'Bout that time, eh chaps? 'Bout that time for another One Hit Wonder Wednesday, if I do say so myself I is I is wot wot.
That's what I was saying to myself earlier today over a spot of tea, behind my monocle and luxurious power-stache.
Okay, so it's not that luxurious, but seriously: who else can pull off the moustache-atory like that? Yeah, you know what I mean by "moustache-atory". That's right. With your younger sister.
Oddly, I had some trouble thinking of a right proper inclusion to the One Hit Wonder Wednesday family. This was (is?) ridiculous, because the 90s are more full of awesome one-hit wonders than Mike Tyson.
Woops, wrong picture.
Too soon?
(Correct answer: no)
So I put on my thinking cap. My thinking cap turned out to be a live raccoon.
Several stitches later, I got myself thinking about the title of this feature, One Hit Wonder Wednesday, all the words in it, trying to trigger some kind of association in my coffeeless office-worm brain.
Where are you, shitty pun?! WHERE ARE YOOUUUUuuuu...
Then I got it:
I know, I know; in the music world as a whole, Oasis is not a one-hit-wonder band. They are very well-known, they go on big tours and shit, and you actually know the names of at least two of the members.
Well... since they're brothers and you had to memorize a total of three different names, so we'll count them as a 1.5. Not like they make two complete people anyway.
But name another real hit by Oasis, as in something that crossed over into the world of pop, anything near the level of notoriety that makes you hum the word "Wonderwall" in Liam Gallagher's grating and nasal caterwaul as soon as you read it.
Anyone who says "Champagne Supernova" gets a kick in the teeth.
That's right; you ain't nevah seen a post spelt BACKWARDS, hear?! Actually, you probably have. Look, just humor me on this one, okay?
I promise that you know this one. Seriously, it's one of those songs that I'm pretty sure everyone's just born with, burned into their infant brains through the sheer DNA-altering power of being obnoxiously catchy.
Aaaannnd apparently that hook was stolen from a Stones song and there was a whole fisc-diddily-asco about it. I've heard the song they "ripped off" (with permission) and... whatevs, I don't see it. I mean, I see it, but like... c'mon Stones.
Welp, here it is.
Fun fact: Before I'd every heard a song by "The Verve Pipe", I used to think them and The Verve were the same band and they just decided to change from one to the other because reasons. Honestly, when I found out they weren't (around the same time I posted that One Hit Wonder Wednesday featuring The Verve Pipe), it kinda blew my mind. Seriously, how are there more than four people on earth that know what a "verve" is?
Man, I really shoulda been thinking about this. I've been so caught up in work (read: doing nothing), I guess, that-
Oh hell, enough bitching. It's One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday! It's a party! It's... it's... who's it gonna be it's...
...THIRD EYE BLIND, BITCHES!
I know, I know, this technically isn't their only radio hit, they have more than one song (depending on who you ask), bla bla bla. Myself, I like the fuck out of Third Eye Blind. I think they're one of the most criminally underrated 90s bands, weird considering how many people actually know the name of the band and how goddamn well-known this song is. But in the world of radio play, sorry guys - they're pretty much a one-hitter. Yes, Jumper (the other Third Eye Blind song people might know) is a beautiful song as well, but it just didn't get the same kind of crossover as Semi-Charmed Life.
No, getting a song on The Mix doesn't count as crossover.
Nothing against Ed Sheeran. Cuz he's the man.
More than a little something against Train.
Actually this is mostly against Train.
I don't really hate The Mix that much.
Just Train.
I'll stop now.
Enjoy nostalgia! And, you know, one of the best songs of the 90s. That too.
God I wish this was a less shitty post, actually do this song justice. But alas...
Wow, that worked out well. When will I waste my wide and wonderful weservoir of W words while I welcome you from my workplace?
Okay, so I cheated on one of them words.
But forrealsies, welcome from my new place of work! Which I will not be disclosing in case you're one of my mortal enemies (in which case, what are you doing reading this blog? go, go plan my demise like a real supervillain). Before you go thinking I'm some sort of badass for doing this on company time, please save your reverence for a more deserving time; this is my lunch hour.
Well, that's all the funny things I have to say. Happy Wednesday!
Holla holla bill y'all (aaaannnnnd catchphrased), what's good? Oh really? WHAT? In the garbage disposal?! Nowai. I thought you could only get that from Africa?! Well, I'm sure they won't involve the Secretary of State until it really starts to smell. Trust me. Been there, felt your pain.
Okay, okay, I get it. I'll stop solving your weird, weird problems. Really, why do you come to me with some of this stuff? There are plenty of specialists out there. On with the show!
So I just realized/found out the other day that this song is from the 90s.
I really really really really really really shoulda figured. Simple chorus? Fuck ja. Bouncy/upbeat-as-shit (depends on the shit, I guess), obviously-poppy yet unobnoxious melodies? Check, check, microphone check.
Also look at this fucking guy.
I think he literally exploded after Y2K due to the sudden lack of 90s in our atmosphere. He looks if Ben Harper had a kid with Chris Cornell and then that kid somehow produced a child with both Zack de la Rocha and Ziggy Marley at the same time, possibly through Satanic ritual.
Secretly the most br00tal.
Well, I should probably get on with the rather disturbing announcements. Disturbing to all like, five of you that read this. If my former classmates even read this anymore.
This is me. This is how sad you make me if you stop reading.
I'm by no means walking away from this blog. I don't even think I'm going to slow down on it much, if at all. But there will be changes.
For instance, change numero uno: This blog will eventually stop being about the 90s. Entirely. I mean, except for whenever I reference anything that happens to come from the 90s. Okay, rephrase: this will stop being a 90s music blog, if you know what I mean. Don't gimme that look. Oh come on. Really? With the tears? I... I mean, I'm flattered, but...
Look, it won't be immediate, okay? I'll still do posts about music every so often, and I'll stick with the 90s for a while. I just feel like such posts have gotten stale recently, and though that's largely my fault, I'm probably not putting in the effort that I could be, I also feel like it's hard to keep writing about this kind of stuff without falling into a rut of "Hai gaiz lookaddis; iz cool? hear is wut i tink of it".
So what the hell will be up here instead of random diatribes on whatever 90s act I can think of that day? A few ideas:
One, there will eventually/primarily be posts about random shit in my life. YES, I know this has been done before. Probably done better than I can do for a while before I really fall into a style (not that I'm changing my style; it'll still be me just less... opinion/nostalgia-driven, or something?). Books of Adam, Hyperbole and a Half, things like that. Will I be posting silly art to illustrate my stories as well? Possibly. Hopefully. If I can get back into drawing again and whatnot. So yes, I will be ripping off that exact same style of blog. Sorry. My reasoning for this? Well, I'm first and foremost a writer, a storyteller, not a... music-opinion person. There's gotta be a better word for that. Anyways. This way, I can be waaaaayyyy more diverse in my content. Not sure why I'm rationalizing this; who the hell's even gonna be pissed off by any of this?
Now for the original touches!
Not getting rid of One-Hit-Wonder Wednesdays. And hopefully I'll actually remember to write/publish them from time to time. So there's that!
What I hope to have as another established feature: Flash Fiction Friday. This is where I sit down and give myself an hour-long window to crank out a story. This will probably go horribly. At least for a while. But flash fiction's fun as shit (again, kinda depends on the shit) and great practice for the budding writer. And though I've been at this a while, I'm still not even a year into really getting serious about it, so... yeah, I'd still call myself "budding". That sounds... weirdly sexual. I'm gonna stop talking about buds now. Brrrr.
Also, I've recently formed a band and will probably be whoring it on here a LOT. Sorry in advance. But not yet, because uh... we kind of don't have a name yet. We have songs... but no name. I... I don't know either.
Here's to a bright new future!
PS: I'll probably repost these announcements later on, separate from anything Eagle-Eye-Cherry-related. That way when any new readers see this blog's metamorphosis of biblical proportions and they're inevitably like 'wtf bro?', they can simply refer back to said announcements-only post and be enlightened.
Kind of. Cuz it's technically Thursday morning that I'm posting this, but meh. Semantics.
I wanted this to be one of the first One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday posts, but circumstances just... I dunno, worked more in favor of... not that? Oh screw you, I don't need to make excuses! I yam who I yam, dammit.
I don't know when I first heard this song. Had to be at least three years ago. In any case, when I first heard it, the only thing I could think was "Holy shit, this has to be the most 90s thing I've ever heard." The only way it could be more 90s is if LL Cool J took a verse and holy shit I would never stop listening to that. Seriously, it sounds like if Matchbox 20 and REM had a baby baptized by Third Eye Blind.
Funny story: this song wasn't even written in the 90s. The first version was recorded back in '89, then re-recorded for this band's somewhat-more-successful sophomore effort. Yeah, the nineties were invented back in the 80's.
Well, even they didn't invent the 90s, for better or worse, this is the song that invented "adult alternative". Either way, I think it's pretty great. Ladies and gentlemen: "Hey Jealousy", by the Gin Blossoms.
You heard me. Fuck argh blah. I said it and what are you gonna do about it.
So yeah. Argh. I forgot the tradition I'd so recently tried to start: One-Hit Wonder Wednesday. Something so so simple: find a 90s one-hit wonder. Ramble about it. Post. And somehow I managed to fail. So instead, we're gonna have us a grand ol' One Hit Wonder Saturday. Wow, that is depressingly uncatchy.
Speaking of depressing! This here's a one-hit wonder I just recently discovered. Or re-discovered, maybe. I feel like it's one of those songs that's just kinda there in your head from the get-go. Like a latent gene for heart disease. Seems kind of unfair to compare this song to heart disease; I actually quite like it (as much as it bleeds 90s post-grunge). Jesus, I can't even say I like something without sounding like a twat. I was in a car this evening, going to my friend's show, and this was on Q101, ahem, 'scuse me, Q87.7. He claimed to recognize it, we tried to figure it out for a minute, eventually gave up somewhere between The Calling and Matchbox 20. I marked the time and despite getting a reasonable buzz on and not having access to a computer for seven more hours (yeah I'm one of those rare non-smartphone-owning troglodytes), I managed to remember and look it up. I didn't even have to write it down. And that's the most impressive thing I've accomplished all week.
For those of you hankering for your latest fix of mood-rock, full of the pitfalls of youth and suicides and abortion and all that good stuff, ya came to the right place!
Forgive his hair. Jesus does. Actually, he probably doesn't. Forgive it anyway. Someone has to.
Welcome welcome, women, weirdos, and wieners, to One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday! I'm your host, Thomas, and this is a something something!
I had more to that introduction.
...Don't you give me that look.
Aaaahhh, first One-Hit-Wonder Wednesday of... well, of ever! How refreshing!
Why did I decide to do One-Hit-Wonder Wednesdays? Why, simple, my dear readers, all five of you! As you probably know, assuming you've ever seen a radio in your life, every decade is full of its fair share of zeitgeist-defining made-for-karaoke chunks of catchy, all the talent of these practically nonexistent bands crapped out into a single gilded turn of awesome. Well... usually awesome. Sometimes. A lot of them are. Okay, my point being, it is my humble (lol) belief that the nineties has the best, or at least most consistently tolerable crop of one-hitters. And if I hear 'the sixties' out of your stupid face I swear, I will take an unwashed flyswatter to your goddamn mouth.
If three years ago you'd told me I'd one day end up publicly acknowledging the existence of Iron Butterfly, my urine would have ended up on at least one part of your body. Such is progress.
So in the annals (hehe annals) of this here blog, I will celebrate the heroes, both fallen and unsung, of a truly special decade.
Speaking of "unsung", let's kick this shit off right.
"Unsung" by Helmet, everybody. Enjoy.
All credits go to... credits. Helmet made the song, some dude made the music video. Probably Helmet.
