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Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Bullshit Analysis: "Fake Geek Girl"

I don't know how long this one's going to be.  I've got a bunch of points I want to get to and they're all just kinda bouncing around in my braincloud, and depending on how this thing flows, I might not get to them all.  Actually, it might turn out that there's less than I thought.  We'll see.

Anyways, let's get started.

Today, I'm gonna pick apart a particularly icky term in the world of nerd - icky in terms of connotations and the controversy it's stirred from time to time:
Fake Geek (or Gamer) Girl
Let me preface this by saying I really, really hope I've never used this term in real life except to talk about the term itself.  Forreals, just typing it leaves a bad taste in my... uh... fingers.  I guess.

Not my most flattering yearbook picture.

Let's break this down.  Mostly because I have no idea where else to start.

Fake: Implying that the noun in question is a counterfeit, a sham, somehow not real, a knockoff - thus discrediting any of its worth.  When you really get down and analyze it, "fake" by itself is one hell of an insult, and one that shouldn't be thrown around as much as it is, in or out of the context of gaming/geekdom.
Geek: A circus freak that bites the heads off chickens.  Or, in more recent years, someone who places more time and value in their interests than the average Joe/Jane, usually involving something that has to do with some variant of media (TV, games, literature, movies, comics (which I'd include under literature or as a cousin of such, but for the sake of something I'm too lazy to think of a word for, I'm putting it separately), music, so forth).  There are many different types of "geek" or "nerd".
Girl: One of the female species.

Hmm...  Okay, that helps me a little.  Emphasis on "little".
All right, further breakdownage:

No.

This term implies 1) that there's something "fake" about these girls that... that what, "claim to" love games or other things about nerd culture?  It implies they are, in some way, a bastardization of what male nerds love.  I'm guessing it's because the offended, these angry "true nerds", naturally lash out against any females that step on their hallowed common ground since they'd been, in their words, "friendzoned" by girls "their entire lives".  I smell another Bullshit Analysis in the coming weeks.  Feature, perhaps?

2) Implies that the Fake Geek Girl isn't really interested in her interests (just typing that sentence is a wtf).  So apparently these ladies are fake-liking something just so they can get "in" with us greasy-backed, eczemic hunks.

Get it while it lasts, ladies.

3) Implies that this only applies to females.  No no no, save your flames, just for a moment.  Have you EVER heard someone use the term "fake geek guy"?  If the term "fake geek whatever" applies to whoever takes selective interest in certain aspects of nerd culture without living/breathing it, couldn't that easily apply to a shitton of men that share those qualities?  Answer: yes, but we don't.  The most flak I see the male spectrum getting are dudes who play mostly play CoD or Madden, and even then, it's a few snide comments/snivels.  They don't incense the nerd nationalists nearly as much as "fake gamer girls".

I think I've covered quite a bit in the various sarcastic jabs I've thrown in my text up there, but allow me to dig just a few layers deeper.

Know what it meant to be a "nerd" or a "geek" not even twenty years ago?  Let's say, before 2000?  It meant no girls fucking touched you.  As a geek of yesteryear, you'd be blessed, stunned silent, if a girl not only talked to you but shared your fucking interests, even one of them.  So fellas, when the hell did y'all get so entitled?

Quick point:
Now, I fucking hate The Big Bang Theory, don't get me wrong.  I once heard it called "blackface for nerds"

One of these days, I will learn self-control.

and I couldn't agree more.  However, to illustrate a point about the second Implication (that these girls are "faking an interest"), let me bring up the chick for a second (no I don't care to know her character's name because again, fie on Big Bang Theory).

Would you call her a "fake geek girl"?  I mean, she's on the fringe of "nerd culture", right?  Doesn't look or talk the part?  Well the answer is no, no you wouldn't.  In fact, I'd say she's as much a geek as the rest of the horrible stereotypes on that show, as much as the show tries to beat the dead horse of "Hey, look how FUCKING DIFFERENT she is!"  Why?  Because why the fuck would she hang out with them if she didn't give actually give a shit about their interests?  What could she possibly have to gain?  What's the point of "faking it"?  Why would she ask them about this kind of stuff in every single episode?
(Apparently it started with some bullshit like she tried to get them to do her homework or something - I don't know, I might be completely mistaken, but I really don't care.  After several seasons of this crap, she has to have taken a genuine interest in these guys.)

Something particularly baffling: hearing this term applied to girls that go to conventions.
To purveyors of this term: Do you have any idea how fucking expensive conventions are?  Oh, you do, because you fucking paid for it too?  Then shut your damn mouth.
I repeat: one more colon for good measure: WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY PAY OUT THE ASS TO GO TO CONVENTIONS IF THEY DIDN'T ACTUALLY LIKE THIS STUFF.  Why??  Why would they do it??  Between ticket prices, merch, costumes (and just about every one of these girls you're calling a "fake" is in costume, one that took some serious work putting together), food, so on, you're easily going to spend twice what you intended at any given con.  So, yet again, what in God's name would be the point of "faking" such interests?

Hmm.  Wish I'd thought of a better ending to this.

Here's the point.  Malefolk of the nerd world: unclench thy collective anus, and count your blessings.  You have NO idea how good we have it.  The world is slowly but surely becoming a nerd paradise, where games like The Last of Us exist, another axe-blow in the fight to have games recognized as art; where the Dark Knight Trilogy and The Avengers can storm the box office and take a giant dump on it; where Watchmen's considered a literary achievement.  A world where fiction of any form is, more than ever, fucking cool.  Why wouldn't you want in on this?  After so many years of abuse, abuse our nerd forefathers had to deal with WAY-the-fuck more than us, are we really going to be so stubborn and selfish as to not turn the other cheek, not let the enlightened into the kingdom of nerd?  Are we really so butthurt that we'll mark as pariah people we'd never know personally if not for their interests?

For the sake of the betterment of a culture I owe so much to, for something in which I have so much stake: I certainly hope not.

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