Fucking Drummers.

Like the title says, fucking drummers man.  My experience with them has been nothing but Spinaltappian.  I mean, they haven't exploded or anything, but I feel like the problem would be less confusing if they had.

Drummers 1, 2, and 3: The First Band
Like it says, my first band.  We were terrible and no I'm not telling you the name; it's a name I came up with and it's a name I'm still damn proud of, but I can't say the same for the music.  Started the band with three friends.  I'd just learned bass and that's all I did, whereas the other three all switched between guitar, vocals, and drums. Thus, the first three drummers.  Band dissolved, goodbye first three drummers.

Drummer 4: The Weak Link
Being in a band with this drummer was easily the most fun I've had in a band setting, and he's still one of my best friends.  But damn playing with him could be hard.  Were the singer-guitarist (who was actually one of the members of The First Band) and I just so ahead of the curve?  Not really, no.  Did we make it work?  Sure.  Anyways, that's not why his time as Drummer #4 was cut short; he actually quit for his job.  Pssh, real careers.

Drummer 5: The Older Dude
The Older Dude was cool, good drummer.  Usually.  He had his problems though; namely, the last show we played with him where he fell asleep in the middle of the set.  Not kidding, went fucking narcoleptic on us, hands moving autonomously (if it was on-time, it would've only been a problem for him).  The singer/guitarist's CD release show no less.  Again, like Drummer #4, the problems weren't what got him (unofficially) terminated.  He eventually just dropped off the map, not returning calls and shit.

Drummer 6: The Prodigy
Not even fucking around, this guy's the best drummer I've ever played with.  What's crazier, he doesn't own a drum kit and, for the most part, doesn't even listen to that much rock music.  Or, you know, any other kind of music where you think of drums.  Dude listens to and plays mostly gospel.  Okay, funk-kinda-stuff too, which is definitely known for drumming... stuff...  Anyways, off track.  So, good drummer, great fucking drummer... LAZY fucking drummer.  Seriously, there were several practices toward the end there, before we finally pronounced him dead, where I'd come all the way from downtown and he just wouldn't show up.

Drummer 7: The Doofus
Good friend.  Good drummer.  Good dad.  Wherein lies the problem.  Motherfucker's on his second goddamn kid with a second goddamn woman.  For an atheist, he's got a weirdly hard time believing in birth control.  Well in the meantime, it looks like he's giving up on music, sold his kit and everything.  Not calling him a doofus for having kids, more for being silly and not wrapping his willy.

Holy balls, I'm just gonna stop here.  This was all a lot more depressing than I'd intended.  God damn it life, why can't you be more like Spinal Tap?

For your time and troubles, here's a picture of a silly drummer.  Or the offspring of Danny McBride and a walrus. You decide.