I'm not sure if I'm a real 90's kid.
Please, please! I assure you, this doesn't do anything to mar my credibility as a 90's-music enthusiast/blogger-dude! So I implore you, before you go out and burn all your Thomas Gumbel paraphernalia, please... hear me out.
That's what all you birthers are on about, right?
I love 90's shit to death, as you know. 90's music? Well... obvi. Cartoon Cartoons? Oh my bloody fuck yes. 90's games? Please, please just stop. 90's movies, such as sci-fi epic The Matrix? I SAID STOP IT, DAMMIT.
Here's that shit I don't like: all the goddamned "Herp derp if you were a nineties kid you'll totes remember this but if not you like Nicki Minaj and Lil' Wayne and hurr durr durr" posts. That's a very long descriptor. I know. But goddamn it, if you have a Facebook, you know I'm right.
To all you who make those posts and just won't stop: I get it. Nineties were awesome, nineties were different, nineties produced an arguably (VERY arguably) more well-balanced generation of kids than this generation has so far.
Also to them peoples, I posit to you: how much of the 90's do you actually remember? I mean yeah, I remember all the toys and the existence of the shows and stuff, but I sure as fuck wasn't a conscious enough human being to put it together into one cohesive decade of experience. Part of that's because I didn't experience the whole damn nineties. I was born two whole years before Kurt Cobain ate gunsmoke. Shit, I was eight when Y2K didn't happen. I mean like, the computery business and the nuke-launching, not the turn of the century. Cuz that like, totally happened.
Hardy har har. I'll have you know I moved out from there several months ago.
Get it? Cuz I was living under... Oh forget it.
Anyways, I'll tell ya right now, the oldest person I saw post one of those things, since they were "the thing" to post, is maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe maybe mAyBe maybe m.a.y.b.e maayyyybbeeeeee maybemaybemaybe MAYBE ah say MAYBE twenty-four now. That's compared to my current twenty-one. I was born in 1992, so yeah, the oldest person I see screaming in everyone's faces, "REMEMBER THE NINETIES, GUIZE??!!" was born in 1988. That's... okay, I guess that's fine. You were well on your way out of middle school when you were holed up in your basement with crates of Twinkies, canned soup and bottled water, your dad guarding the door with a double-barrel. I'm sorry, you'll have to speak up a bit. What's tha- What do you mean "just you"?! I... Okay, whatever, quirky family get-togethers notwithstanding, you see what I mean? Everyone that actually remembers the nineties, those who lived and breathed that particular zeitgeist, who actually had ups and downs during that period beyond 'ow I scraped my knee' and 'wah I can't find my Happy Meal toy' - I had a way to end this sentence. Something about them not doing that. Well.
Hey, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Okay, here, to make you feel better:
We sure as fuck ain't this generation.
...Criminy, I'm sorry. I had better images in mind, but I guess Google decided to get rid of every fucking image that makes fun of kids these days.
Here's the stickiest part of the wicket, folks. We ain't exactly 90's kids. Sorry, that's the double-truth, Ruth. But neither are we 2000's kids. There's no decade between 90's and the oughties. So uh... what the fuck are we?
Shit. I blew my own mind there. Gonna go think about this for a while. Might do a follow-up post where I actually answer my own questions for once.
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